Sick sick disappointing me..

I am fat fat fat!!
I dont think ill be able to sleep tonight. I am so uncomfortable in my chub!
I ate today.. First it was cereal 160 cals.
Next i binged.. Chicken nugs and chips which i puked. I ran 5 miles today did 400 sit ups 10 min buns and thighs and i still feel so fat!
My husband surprised me with date night. He took me to dinner. I ate a salad.. They had no low cal or fat free dressing.
By the time my meal was infront of me i was so sick. I was itching and felt like i couldnt breathe.
I didnt want to be in that booth with a plate of fattening food laughing at me.
I couldnt not eat, my hub is starting to worry i think. So i ate half of a half of a turkey sandwhich. I talked alot to take the attention off my plate.
I picked apart the other half and smooshed some french fries and threw some more on the floor.
I forced myself to drink two lemonades so i had an excuse to use the bathroom.
I got the food out but it wasnt fast enough. I still feel gross and fat.
I am 24 inches arnd the waste.. I want to bbe 14 i think. Maybe for now.
I miss the starving feeling in my belly. I miss my woozy air filled head. I want to hungry and i cant be if everyone is trying to get me to eat with them!
So i am fasting now.. Until thursday. I need to be hungry now.. And im not.
Ahhh