Soo... Still fighting the thought. Stupid fucking nurse.. I was doing good and loving being able to see my baby growing and somehow her words have turn Blake's bump into something hideous.
the weirdest thing is that everyone i know.. even people who dont know about my eating disorder keep saying how small i look.
and that i have not started to show at all.. so why do i see big thighs fatty back and beastly stomach?
is it really just my head...
i feel crazy.
well since last week ive been restricting..
not fasting just counting counting counting..
on easter i turned into some sort of wild animal and ate so much ham and greenbeans and potatoes i almost died.
monday i ate pretty good two small slices of veggie pizza on whole wheat flatbread
and for dinner i ate a cup and a half of veggies chicken and noodles.
today i had yogurt and fruit for brkfast a few bits of my left over chicken and veggies.. but i went for a walk on my lunch break so i didnt eat very much. and dinner i ate a tuna sandwhich with spinach green peppers olives tomato and cucumber on herb wheat bread...
i went for a half hour walk after...
i did however come home and eat more tuna..
which ended with me in the bathroom puking..
im crazy but i tried to judge the amount so that it was just the second sandwich i let up...
now i feel like the worse mother alive... i love Blake.. i really do. so tomorrow i will eat for him... i really will.
im supposed to be consuming 3000 cals a day..
idk how im supposed to do that i barely handle 1500 without needing to cry...
6 meals a day... i think 3 small ones is okay for now...
ahhh my mind wont stop...
mayb inteast of 6 big meals do 6 mini meals u have to eat for him u know that
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